I want my childhood back!

I again want to walk through the Rubber trees and make cricket balls with 'ottukara!'

I again want to catch the smell of ‘chenathandan’ and get cautious.

I again want to stop at Kumar's house and pick him to play with us.

I agan want to ride my 'Captain' cycle my Achachan brought for me from Sengottai and I again want to take Vino and Prabha on it.

I again want to sleep with my grandparents, ha!!

I want to darken my mustache again!

I still want to run down the mountain as we come back from the church in Edamon!

I want to get beaten by my teachers once more!

I again want to wave my hands to the meter-gauge train that passes by my home, and collect as many garlands thrown by Ayyappans!

I again want to miss a homework and write an imposition!

I again want to get taught by Amma! My pavam amma!

I again want to hide under a ‘vazhayila’, escaping from the rain and slowly get wet completely!

I want to see our cow, Mini and her children for the last time!

I again want to tie an ‘Oonjal’!

I again want to climb trees!

I again want to pick coins from Achachan's drawer and deny it till he finds it out.

I again want Ammachi's ‘Moru curry’.

I again want to make cigarretes from ‘chakiri’ and smoke it with my brother.

I want to go back once more!

Please take me back! Once more please?

(Glossary for those who do not know Malayalam)
Ottukara - the dried up latex on the tap mark on a rubber tree. One can tie it to make real rubber balls.
Chenathandan- a common snake in Kerala, which has no poison./ Smell of Chenathandan - An unpleasant smell of a kind of wild flower.
Ayyappans- the pilgrims of Sabarimala, who used to throw garlands towards us, the group of Children..
Vazhayila- Plantain leaf. One can easily stand under it during rain, but if the winds come, you will be cheated!
Oonjal- A swing tied on a tree as part of Onam in Kerala.
Moru curry- A tasty curry from Kerala, which is made from curd. Our Grandmother used to make the tastiest Moru curry we ever had.
Chakiri- Coconut shell's grains. We two used to fill this into a paper roll and smoke them as cigarettes. One day we go caught, and the story needs another post here.

Highly Inflammable! That could best describe our Achachan. Anger comes to him naturally, but more often, unintentionally.

As mischievousness was the most salient quality we two, Vinod and I, had, we were like lighters in front of a petrol bomb. We were staying at a village called Kilivayal, close to the town Adoor, where Achachan worked.

We returned from school only to play Cricket with all the neighborhood boys. Our friends involved almost all boys around our house, and that friendship was beyond every casts and creeds. Siju, Boban, Alby, Shiju, Anish, Suresh, Satyan, Sujit, Bhanu, Kalesh, Libu, etc were the major members belonged to our team we called ‘Kilivayal 11'

Most of the time we played on ground of St. Cyril’s College (where our Achachan teaches, even today). As the professor's children, we had an easy access to the College premises and ground and this had also helped us in tapping much respect from our friends.

Other times, after the harvest season and monsoon, we could use Edathundil Appachan's rice field as the play-ground. All the boys preferred this as it was much broader and the land had by now grown fresh grass which was soft and satiny. On this field, we could act like Jhontys and Yuvrajs as fielders.

Wherever was the ground, and whatever was the match, we had a strict timeline from Achachan to return home by 6 every day. After his daily works and friend-meets, he would come back home and wait in the sit-out of our rented home, (which also belonged to Edathundil Appachan), reading a newspaper. Repeatedly, he would raise his head and see whether we were coming from play. As you would have expected by now, most of the days we played beyond gone beyond six and six thirties. But Achachan could not catch us every time, as we used to come by a back-side route and sneaked into home using the back door. Amma had been the only witness to our 'we-have-been-here-since-long' kind of strolling through the kitchen door and those almost-silent murmurs exchanged between us. She never used to reveal our 'crash-landing' though. But whenever we got caught by Achachan for being too late, either he would give us a deadly stare, which was severe than a stone pelt, or, though rarely, some minor 'caning treatments'

One day there was this cricket tournament we declared against Vayala, a village close by. The stake was nothing less but 5 rupees! :). The match was pretty cutthroat, and both the teams played hard to win the prize money. At the end, somehow it ended up in a verbal fight. And by the time we reached home, it was close to eight o clock. After having a bath at the well itself, we slid into the house through the kitchen door like usual, but directly landed up in front of Achachan who was sitting in the prayer room. He was really angry seeing us coming at such an odd time.

Breaths got stuck between the befuddling tension we were going through. Till now he had not opened his mouth at all but it was obvious that a lot of words have already piled up against us and plodding on his tongue, impatiently. Slowly he made us to see that he was intentionally looking at the cane that was kept near the window. We also gave it an unfriendly look and we got the clue (as expected). It was a new cane, freshly cut from the nearby communist pacha (Munnani, we call the plant).

As Prabha (our all-time negotiator to Achachan) had already started with the daily-evening prayers, he felt like postponing his decision on us till the prayer ends. It was more painful to wait for the punishment than to get it at the moment. We also took part in the prayer but passively. Our minds were full of the upcoming moments.

After the prayer songs, it was time to read from the Bible. At his turn, Achachan took the Bible, and started reading aloud. He looked like too much tensed about his boys' irresponsible attitude on life as he flipped the pages towards the New Testament. His first verse came like this; "pishachakunnu ningalude pithavu"! (John 8:44- You belong to your father, the devil). Alas! We raised our heads unbelievably. He had stopped reading there but was still looking into the Bible.

A second later, Achachan laughed aloud. In the next few moments what we witnessed was one of the greatest laughter rounds in our home. We could not believe he actually got to read it. Amma judged that he deserved it, as she never liked our 'angry Achachan'.

In the end, he forgot about the punishment and we hid the communist pacha in right time.

Jesus saves. Yes!

Of late, Mount Abu became a Character in my life! It was a pleasure trip planned at the end of mounting pressure from Ebie of not taking her to any of the worthy-to-be-seen places! I was not willing in the beginning as my purse was not as heavy as I thought sufficient to take us happily. But it turned out to be an exciting trip to the only tip of Rajasthan!

You know, sometimes things fall in places like you have dreamed of. It was like such an experience for us, with a last minute planning. Our decision of not booking a hotel online proven to be right, as we got a lovely hotel at a cost we could afford. Hotel Vrindhavan was such a warm place amidst the frozen Abu town. The people were very friendly and helpful.

I noticed that Abu is not such a place like Ooty or any other tourist spot notorious for people cheating. Couple of hundred bucks popped up from my pocket and were about to fall down and one old Abu street-seller just shouted out and alarmed me. Where else could we see it?

Monkeys played pranks, as we had some Peanuts in hand. I just threw the packet in my hand but the Monkey wanted more. I saw that it was staring at Ebie and she was staring back confused. I caught that in a jiffy and threw it again. Ebie stared at me like a monkey-in-trap.

In the nights it was colder than a freezer, and we used almost all the clothes on the first night itself. Bathing; we never thought of it till the third day.

I had seen this Air-gun seller, and bought one, mainly of curiosity and secondly, thinking of gifting it to my father. He would use it to drive-off those wild-cats those come to stay at the rooftop and pee in the nights, or might show it to a robber if ever one lands up, and lie that 'hands up, or it could kill him!'

On return, we had to board our train early in the morning, and we got a taxi booked through Vrindhavan at 5 A.M. We came to Ahmedabad and spent almost 7 hours there before boarding our Volvo for Mumbai. In the meantime, we went to Kakaria Carnival, a famous city-fest there. We went to the Zoo and met all those unlucky animals. What took my attention was the mirror fixed at the Snake-home. 'Enemy of Snakes' it was titled. We saw ourselves in the mirror, and realized that we too never liked snakes around like others. We stopped thinking about it and came out with a heavy-heart.

We reached Mumbai the next day morning, with a mind full of Mount Abu!

Long long ago, in a small village called Edamon, when there were no cosmetic revolutions and beauty pageants to come to live in people’s minds, one naughty boy recommended a ground-breaking idea to grow his sisters’ hair long till their buttocks.

It was this - ‘Tie and hang stones on hair and stand in the sunlight’

Not only did he recommend, he even went on and staunchly helped to tie those stones on their hair. Together they stood and looked as if snake-gourds in the village farmyards. (In the farms of Kerala, like exclamation marks, the longish Snake-gourds would lie topsy-turvy and stare at people as if sentenced to be hanged till death. Stones used to be tied on them to grow them lengthy.)

They were later called as 'Snake-gourds. And that naughty boy was my father.

Like tit for tat, today as I see my hair falling one after the other, the same sisters of him have remedies for me. ‘Apply Snake-gourd paste on your hair or try to drink Snake-gourd juice if possible.’

Revenge sustains through generations, what else?

By the time I reached for the Airforce Officers’ recruitment, the queue had grown like an acromegalic python. Tailing myself to the hundreds-long line, I looked at my Dad, who was standing beside me as my moral cheerleader. “No chance” I tossed my brows, looking at the hundreds arrayed ahead.

It was the zonal level recruitment process for Junior Air force Officers that was going to happen there. People had come from every edge of the state and I was also one of them. Though started early from home, I could make it only at the end of this large queue, which sprouted from the famous Marthoma School that stood on a tiny mount in the heart of the town. The queue looked zigzag from beneath, as if forcibly bent by the road on which it stood: when the road bent right the queue bent right, when the road bent left, the queue also bent left.

As the school ground was opened for the written test, the queue found its way into it. The big ground ate the queue so quickly and the test started off in a short time.

Almost eight hundred candidates had come for the test and the available seats were just 60. Questions on English grammar, general knowledge and more were listed on the question paper and the time was just 30 minutes.

Suspense prevailed in the school premises once the test was over. Some of the guys had already left, as they had performed so miserably in the test and thus there was no hope left for them. Others waited impatiently for the result announcement, which was bound to happen in a short while.

The results came through a loudspeaker announcement. One of the Officers came forward and read the names of victorious candidates. The ones, whose names were announced, went forward and stood near the officer. The result announcement was almost over. Only three or four people left to complete the required seats. I looked outside as to find a way to get out before the whole scene gets over and it becomes difficult to walk out. My Dad was more optimistic and asked me to wait till the last. It was Candidate 59. My hopes were already sunk but I still looked up to see who was going to be the 60th hero of the day.

“The next candidate is….”, I looked around as to see who would raise a hand or shout a “It’s me”.

“ ……..Santosh Wilson”, the announcer paused.

“ Heh! Was that me?” After making sure that there was no other Santosh Wilson, I smiled at my Dad. The officer asked to me to join the Bandwagon and I was supposed to answer him with some details.

“ What is your age?” He asked me looking into my High school certificate.

“16 years sir”

“Ok, Date of Birth?”

“Eleven Four Nineteen Eighty…..I paused, two or three? If you had asked me what was my biggest confusion in life that time, I would never think again to say my date of birth. I had to remember two date-of-births, as in my records the date of birth was entered differently.

“What? “You forgot your date of birth? “ Though he asked the question to me only, it went beyond even the thousands of ears which surrounded me.

Laughter. Kookoooys. I sweated.

“Two sir” I completed.

“You don’t even remember your date of birth. Isn’t by wonder that you have passed this test?”

“Then it is Eleven Four Nineteen Eighty Three sir.. I’m sure” I negotiated like a Mysore street seller.

“Hmm… ok… all of you are selected.. come tomorrow for your Medical Fitness Tests” He winded up the whole drama.

Next day. Medical Fitness test.

The test would take two days. First day the candidates were supposed to undergo medical tests and the next day would be physical fitness rounds.

What followed was tragic. While stepping into the camp room, I never thought even in my wildest dreams that I would have to strip my clothes. Sad part was that I was not alone. The whole gang had been in the room, stripped off already, and watching others stripping. Cool and comfortable, they were sitting there in their best possible poses. They smiled, as they watched my confusion.

‘What have you got in your pants, gold coins?”, they looked at me tellingly. Without any further hesitation, I removed my outfits and joined the underwear party! Some red, some blue, some torn and some grayed, in general, it was a Communion of Underwears.

As time passed, the striptease came out to be more shameful. I told you already that the premise was belonged to a school. As the school time approached, boys and girls had chirped in to the place. They peeped, squeaked and did everything they could do, just to have a glance and a naughty smile.

“Lying Naked
exposed and defenceless,
to the knives and swords
that are words.
Only a thin blanket
of self worth,
to cover my cold and open
heart.”

Our sufferings came in the form of hopeless frowns at each other. The whole day, we found us sitting in the lounge waiting patiently for our turns to go in and get tested. I had noticed that the ones who came out of the room had an ugly expression on their face.

During my turn, I went inside in silence. I had no guess of what was going to happen.

“Come here” One of the doctors told me. I went to him.

“Remove this” He pointed down at me.

“Err.. sir.. this is my last…. I have not worn anything inside this” I tried to educate him of the deadly situation.

“What?”

He did not get me. So he did what I did not do. I stood aghast!

“Good.. Now cough”. He ordered as if holding my remote control on his hands.

I obeyed him like a tamed beast.

“That’ it…. Alright.. go and wait” I was relieved. I couldn’t help having the same ugly expression from clouding my face.

There were few more tests that took two complete days to get over. And one of the last was Feet test. I was told that I had a ‘Pes Caves Foot’. Arched Foot, it meant. It axed my chances.

I wasn’t unhappy. I was still in the striptease mood. All I felt was a getaway in getting out.

Out in the waiting room my Dad was there. I gave him my Report card. He looked at it for once. Then slashed it into maximum pieces possible and flung it in the ground.

Didn’t he say “damn it!”??? Because he never liked failures.



((Poetry- Thanks to Mr David Anthony)

Kottayam is known as the Cultural Center of Kerala. But when you are there, if you don’t take ultra care of your valuables, you might say the contrary.

Yes, some times things are boasted above what’s it actually. May be to make money, or just to make some noise.

In my dreams, Kottayam has always been a lurid land of nightmares. Once upon a time, it had me in tears and fears.

After degree, I have planned to take advertising as my career stream. I have found an institution in Coimbatore offering PG in Advertising and was on my way to get admission there. I was with my Dad.

Till Kottayam, my briefcase was there in the rack of the bus. But when the bus reached the station at Kottayam, the Briefcase was found missing and replaced by another empty one.

I felt sweat on my palms! My Dad was almost mad! Who took the briefcase? It had contained a better deal of me! All my certificates, diaries, money and almost everything that I had been valuing till that date…

The police hub was found almost empty but more disappointing was the way the one cop was reacting. With a needless smile, he had poured in our details into his casebook and asked us to leave the place as soon as possible. He told us that incidents like this are very common in Kottayam and it would be ideal if the passengers could take care of their valuables. Advice, the most commonly available remedy to your disasters!!!

‘Where to go now?’ thoughts popped up as we have realized that there was no money left in the pockets.

A father and son, belonged to values, prestige and hopes, are now made beggars in a town, the cultural center!

The last pocket of my multi-sachet-pants had some hopes for me. Two hundred bucks given by my grandmother was in it, like a green in the desert.

With the remaining shock in mind, we left the place.

Till today, at least in my most eccentric dreams, I have hoped for the return of my Hard Earned certificates from a Mr. Gentleman… who would have mistakenly took away my briefcase and my scopes!!

My Dad says that the person would have completed his never-dreamt-about professional course and now working in any of the top companies! Another Santhosh George Wilson!!

Kerala is a great place. But I must say that this greatness is only in its looks and not in its contemporary mores. As days grow, the people in Kerala are becoming more and more insane and insolent. They will just meddle into and screw your glitter of life. When people have no job except some smutty dissolute politics, you can’t expect any good instincts from them other than fraudulence and criminality. Luck or not, the world is yet more or less unknown about these dissolutions.

As a Keralite, I have inexplicable disappointment in this heavy truth. But truth is always bitter, I grasp.

One of my recent experiences had matched this gloomy fact and affirmed it without qualms.

I had gone to Kerala during last Easter. It was a nice time out as the stress of jobs and strain of ‘daily living’ had surrendered to a kind of enticing calmness. With my brother and two other friends I went to the nearest town, Punalur, for a movie. We were in bikes and had to park the bikes in a shed nearby the theatre. The shed was the part of a tourist bungalow lying close to it.

Once the movie got over we came back to the bikes but what we could find was awfully nasty that the bikes’ tyres were punctured, mirrors broken and fuel dripped out. Being furious, we had no other way but to question the guard in duty of the Bungalow. He was heavily drunk and was in a bad mood. When he denied answering we could estimate that none other than him did the crime. Being a Law Student and furthermore branded for being very instinctive, my brother had created a scene over there. He pointed out the nifty sections of the law like a priest reciting the preludes of verses!

Finally the man told us that the police had done those misdemeanors because it was non-parking area. He also claimed to have paid five hundred bucks to the police for the carelessness from his side.

My brother was at the end of his patience. He slapped the guard on the spot, as it was clear that he was lying.

By this time, somebody had called the police. ‘Drunkards attacking a guard’, police rushed in with necessary set up to offer all of us a night’s stay in the lockup.

Seeing police coming, the guard got charged up! Vengeful in mind, the over-smart guard took hold of my collar and tried to hit me with his knees. Caught on the spot for this misbehavior, the guard too was taken to the police custody.

From then till reaching the police station, it was a rain of all bad words in the language, a special talent that our policemen can boast of!

“Lock up! Oh my god, this is the first time I’m coming to a police station! That too, like a criminal! Beaten up and abused! My little brother, my friends, my pride, my self-respect , I am going to see all this agony?” I never wanted to argue with that foolish guard, I never wanted to question my bike’s damages, I never wanted to park my bike there, I never wanted to come for that movie... but no use now!

The policemen asked us to remove our shirts and shoes. My brother, who couldn’t digest what was really going on, opened his lawful mouth yet again, but to get beaten up again. My self-belief couldn’t prevent the brook of tears from flowing alongside the cheeks and falling down like a tap kept open. I cried in heart like a child.

From here, the things were not very awful as we expected. All of us were taken to the hospital for medical tests to find out whether drunk or not and this had saved us! It was found that we were normal but the guard, who too was taken for the tests, was drunk extremely.

Later we told the police that the guard had accused the police of doing the crime of damaging the bikes. Hearing this, the police rage has amplified against him and he got further charges.

See! Someone just intrudes into your life, makes it unhappiest and then gets himself in peril!

By this time, our poor dad had arrived there, with all his nerves arrested like frozen. He was neither angry nor sad. He had no emotions.

Because he wanted his sons to be conscientious and proactive always, though he never wanted to meet them in a police station in such a condition!

We lied to him that they didn’t beat us!

My first cigarette was when I was three years old. A ‘used’ Panama filter. I don’t exactly remember the man, who had finished it almost till the end. I was just trying to imitate what he was doing.
After taking the dying cigarette in hand, I thought for a moment as to which direction should I breathe it.
Blow out?? ‘Chiichii’, I had emitted a big swell of smoke.
I pulled it in..Yes, but a mouthful of tangy smoke made me to cough hysterically.
But there was someone who had been looking at me all those time without my knowledge, my Dad.
(He is a very good human being, friendly and warm, except when he is angry. )
The rest is secret (a very natural secret between a father and a son).